It was pretty terrifying. I went from being a professional photographer, subbing as a teacher and doing a Pilates class on the Thursday, to not being able to feel my legs by the Wednesday. The pain in my back just got worse and worse. You know it’s bad when you’re in a full doctor’s waiting room and you’re the third person to go through.
I was told I had a spinal abscess. I was blue-lighted to hospital in Belfast and had emergency surgery in the middle of the night. My surgeon told me they were going to remove as much as they could, but there was no guarantee I’d get the feeling back.
I spent six very surreal days in ICU. I was fortunate to get a side ward that had a view to a large sculpture outside, a little bit of sky and occasionally a seagull would fly by.
When you have a spinal injury, you’re totally at the mercy of the hospital team and people around you. I’m such an independent, creative and active person. I love open water swimming and just being outside with my husband, our two boys and dog. For all that to suddenly be taken away is so tough. I spent seven weeks in the first hospital and initially it was difficult for me to even reply to messages or simply read a book.
The thought of going to the rehabilitation centre became a bit of a lifeline. Everyone knows it’s your best chance of recovery and getting home, but Horatio’s Garden was something else. To go from looking out the window at the sky to being in this garden was so incredible. I couldn’t believe it.
The day I arrived, I was in a wheelchair and I felt a bit silly because I didn’t know how to steer or anything. But nonetheless, I pushed myself out to the garden and the first thing I saw was two massive planters full of tulips. It was phenomenal being able to go outside again and I went there at every opportunity. The garden played as big a part in my recovery and rehabilitation as my treatments did. It gives you the opportunity to feel like a normal person and claim back those crumbs of independence – simple things like making yourself and your family a cup of coffee.
My husband, sons, mum and sister were all amazing and visited so often. We literally lived in the garden and if it hadn’t been there, it would’ve been so difficult to spend time together. My sister would bring her 10- and 11-year-old nieces who could race me around in my wheelchair and show me their cartwheels – it was so much less scary for them than visiting me in hospital.
I remember having so many conversations and laughing with all the people I’d met from the ward too, especially towards the end of the day after visitors had gone. The social aspect of it is massive for your mental health and the amazing cakes and craft workshops really helped bring people together too. I loved doing ceramics and it was so fun to be out there alongside big, strong guys screen printing tote bags or getting stuck into making collages. There were a lot of smiles during those sessions and for a few hours, you’re not thinking about your wheelchair, your legs or your back.
I was often out there reading too, either making the most of the quiet pods or sitting in a favourite spot with my pressure socks rolled down to get some sun on my legs. But I could also go there on days when I was upset to find some privacy in a quiet corner. Whatever you need, the garden gives it to you.
It even gave me the inspiration to start photographing again. Taking photographs is who I am; it’s what I do. At first, I had my phone in my hand all the time and then my husband kindly brought in my camera. When I was strong enough to hold the camera again, I really knew I was getting better. It helped me understand what muscles to strengthen in physio and I was moving in new ways to get the perfect angle. The garden was stunning, the light was fascinating and the colours were just incredible. All I wanted to do was capture what a joyful, peaceful place it is.
A year on, I’ve begun photographing professionally again. I’m a very determined person, and I hope I get back to being the person I was before, albeit a slightly different version. I was incredibly fortunate that the recovery I made in ten weeks at the centre meant I went from being in bed all day to walking out with crutches. That’s in no small part thanks to the amazing garden.