*Content warning: this story contains discussion of suicide*
I’m Fabiana, I’m 42 and I live with my mother in Cricklewood, North London. I’m currently waiting for housing, but for now, I am focussing on my recovery.
From 2013 to 2018, I worked as a Personal Assistant. I enjoyed my job, but during that time, I began struggling with my mental health. It came completely out of nowhere. I am not a violent person, so the illness took me by surprise. It was an incredibly difficult period, and unfortunately due to my age, there wasn’t suitable medication available for me. On 5 June 2024, I tried to take my own life by jumping from a bridge. I broke my back and shoulder and had to undergo major surgery from my head to my spine.
I’ve now been in hospital for four months. My journey began with a month at St Mary’s Hospital, followed by another at the Royal Free in Hampstead. Both hospitals had gardens, but patients couldn’t visit them. I always thought of a hospital as just a building. That changed when I arrived at the London Spinal Cord Injury Centre on 13 August, where I’ve now been for two months.
Here, I discovered something special – the garden. The first time I visited, I felt an overwhelming sense of calm. It’s peaceful, full of life, and I spend as much time there as I can. If I’m not in the gym, on the phone, or in the pods, you’ll usually find me in there.
The garden became my sanctuary. It gives you a sound mind and a sense of peace that is hard to describe. I believe in God, and most evenings I go there to read my Bible. Being in the garden, surrounded by flowers and stillness, helps me feel connected to Him. It’s not the same as reading in a room full of people – it’s a personal, spiritual experience that gives me serenity.
The garden reminds me of home. I was born in Portugal, and when I was younger, we used to spend weekends at a farm in Cartaxo, surrounded by vineyards, animals, and nature. Being amongst the flowers here takes me back to those memories.
Alongside the gardens, I’ve also discovered a love of arts and crafts. I take part in sessions two or three times a week and have made bowls, cushions and even tried Japanese marble painting. Through gardening sessions, I met Ashley, the Head Gardener who encouraged me to get involved. I’ve loved every minute of it – planting pots, arranging flowers, and even making a birthday bouquet. These activities have played a huge role in my rehabilitation. They calm my mind, give me focus, and help me feel at peace – zen, as I like to call it.
I encourage others here to join too. Arts and crafts take your mind away from our daily routines, giving you an hour or so of tranquillity. I used to put them off, but now, I look forward to every session.
The garden also had a huge impact on my family and visitors. They enjoy coming to see me here. It’s not about visiting me, but about spending time together in such a beautiful, peaceful place where we all feel relaxed.
The garden and the activities within have supported my rehabilitation greatly, especially my mental health. I’ve learned so much being here and I’d love to have a garden myself one day.