Horatio's first wedding
“He’s alive” was all me and three of our four boys heard as the nurse was taking us to the relatives’ room. We couldn’t see Tony yet, but they told us he was stable and that they were doing everything they could to help him.
He’d gone out for a motorbike ride, as he often did. We got the call in the afternoon to say he’d been in an accident, but we didn’t really know how serious it was. Once we knew he had a C4 complete spinal injury, which is the part of the spine in your neck which controls things like your breathing, arm and shoulder movements and other vital organs, the gravity of the situation started to sink in. The whole trajectory of our life began to change.
Initially, we weren’t sure what impact Tony’s injuries were going to have on him. We just felt lucky that he was still with us and that he was still Tony. We spent the first three weeks in intensive care in Coventry before being moved to the ICU at Stoke Mandeville, where we spent over six and a half months.
Life in ICU was challenging. It’s a great place if you’re acutely unwell, but the moment you’re not, you’re stuck waiting to move to the next phase of rehabilitation. It can be a depressing place for long-term patients – with no windows, you don’t even know if it’s night or day.
Being able to go out into Horatio’s Garden was a lifesaver. It was just amazing to be away from the beeps and machines and to talk to people who actually understood the situation we were in. There’s a real community in the garden, with people who can show you there is life around the corner and that you can overcome your challenges.
We knew that we wanted to embrace that life together, so two months after Tony’s accident, we got engaged. We initially thought about getting married in a year, once Tony was home. Then we thought we could do it quietly in ICU, but our move to the spinal centre was imminent so we asked one of the ward team if we could have the ceremony there instead.
Somehow, the Horatio’s Garden team heard about it and immediately said we could do it there! After checking with the registrar, we let ourselves get excited about properly celebrating with our family and friends and started making plans.
Everyone pulled together, just like they did in the old days! Friends created decorations, arranged bouquets, made our wedding cake and did a million other things. They worked with the garden’s volunteers to prepare an afternoon tea, and the gardener and another volunteer gathered and arranged flowers from the garden. Our friends and the medical team even decorated the ward too, with banners and everything else to make it special for us.
It felt like we were all living the ethos of Horatio’s Garden. We were showing everyone that hope remains and life goes on after a spinal injury; that you’re still able to do what you want to do and that there’s still joy to be found.
Our wedding day was a little drizzly, but it didn’t matter. It was beautiful and perfect. Our ceremony was short and sweet in the garden room, with readings from our family sharing a simple message: that love is being there for the person you care about and knowing that person is there for you no matter what happens.
Everyone told us afterwards that they’d never been to a nicer wedding. It was a day purely celebrating our love and we didn’t get wrapped up in all the things that can often come with it. It was like anyone else’s wedding day; it just happened to be in Horatio’s Garden at Stoke Mandeville. There’s nowhere on earth we’d have rather been.
We’re in the garden as often as we can be now. We’ve got three grandchildren, so it’s a nice place for us to see them and we don’t need to worry about the noise or anything medical happening. It’s just lovely for us to feel like we’re all in a normal place living our normal lives.
Simply being outside is so restorative and important for our mental wellbeing, but talking to other people in the garden has given us so much too. It’s really reassuring to hear other people’s experiences and be in a place where everyone takes the time to talk to you and get to know you – not only other patients and families, but the garden team too. It’s been priceless in helping us to stay on an even keel mentally and emotionally.
We don’t know what the future holds, but we know that every day is a blessing. We’re focussing on Tony’s rehabilitation so we can prepare for our new life doing the things we enjoy together with our family and friends. There are things we can’t change, but all we can do is focus on the positives, keep laughing and focus on what we can change together.